Joy Maderazo, RDH

Slow Endings

I’m not doing well, she said to me.

She is 96 he is 92.

She has decided to place him in a full care home. She did everything in her power to care for this man, her husband of many decades. Dementia, Alzheimer’s and old bones have taken their toll. It has become impossible for her to go on.

I see her: looking through her window that overlooks the lake. She knows that her days in this beloved house where she raised children, celebrated joyous occasions with friends, allowed the mundane events to unfold, have come to a close.

What will she do with her precious belongings, her glass collections, her one of a kind paintings her well loved knickknacks?

Who will cherish them for her?

Who will own her house?

Who will care for her beautiful roses?

Who will sleep in their bedroom?

They were at the top of their game : he was The Man- intelligent, respected, powerful.

She was the force behind his success, the wise hand that guided everyone into success, just as she was a success in her very own right.

Now, they are the forgotten. The kids are grown they have moved far away and only visit when necessary. Their friends are gone too, old and some dead.

She feels useless, a burden, unseen.

Just like her, the house stands magnificent but empty of life,

Just like her, an old lady who dresses up every morning but has nowhere to go.

Lonely, empty, sad.

What will become of them?

How will she manage being alone in a new home filled with people that she doesn’t know?

How will she feel in the morning waking up to immediately see four walls around her?

Will she miss the water, the grass, the wind?

How will he be, away from her?

New hands to care for him, new walls, new smells.

Will he keep his favourite chair?

Will he still remember her even if it is for just a second?

How to choose?

What to pick?

How to feel?

Sad, empty,drained,relief,free

Everything all at once